2018: NEW YEAR, SAME OLD ME?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Welcome back! Did you miss me?! I decided to take a, much needed, social media break and really enjoyed Christmas and NY (hope you did too!) and was in a happy refreshed space. 

I mean dont I look good in my selfie, above? Damn I was feeling myself that day! 😊 

I've wanted to post for so long. I just couldn't get it together! I hate that the months gone by I and this is my only post for the month, but life had a way of simply having its way. I thought I'd share with you a bit of an update. You may need snacks.

                                                                                               am i addicted to the internet?

In spite of my social media break, I've developed a very unhealthy relationship with my phone. It's the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing at night AND I can spend hours on it. So waking up at 7am is futile if I never leave the bed until 10-12pm! Dont get me started on the nights I decide that my IG timeline is worth scrolling on until 3AM in the morning!!! And if its not IG, its Netflix or Youtube videos. Inevitably I dont wake up until noon the next day, because my body has decided I am no longer a person who can survive on nonsensical amounts of zzzzz. 

I stumbled across a quiz from Psych Central called Are You Addicted to the Internet - I scored 19 = Borderline Net Addiction. Phew, not too late to turn this around. I need to implement structure to my days . I can't let working from home make me complacent with my time and its going to take more than a "get to bed by 10:30pm" alarm to sort out this unhealthy cycle. Its throwing my day out of sync and me into a constant state of feeling like I'm never getting enough done...and the reality is, I'm not. 
4hrs sleep doth not a productive person make.

worky stuff

Another reason theres been silence on the blog is that I've been trying to get a job in the fashion industry. ITS BLOODY HARD. 
I knew it would be, but this has been a goal of mine since 2015, honestly I thought I would have found something by now, even if it was unpaid.

I'm sending out CV's everyday, jazzing it up with the help of Etsy, tailoring cover letters and watching every "How to land a fashion internship/fashion job" video I can find on Youtube. 

My mailbox is full of job recruitment vacancy alerts, I've become accustomed to stalking people shamelessly on Linkedin and often swerving around the "apply" button because most entry level work experience jobs require '1+ yrs previous experience'??? Uhhh hello!? Logic?? Pray for me guys, I'm struggling to keep the dream alive.

                                               money 

I'm hoping that in 6 months time you'll be indulging in content titled: "How I turned my life around" featuring me in much better circumstance, but for now my truth is my savings have depleted and my incomes not like it used to be. There's so much I want to experience this year. Experiences that money cant buy and I wish Eventbrite would understand this and stop pestering me for my bank details every time I attempt to checkout...lol. 

It's a reminder that at the moment I cant provide for myself/others, the way I want to and its a consequence in my pursuit of happiness. I'm not going back to a job just for good pay, I NEED MORE THAN MONEY, so if a low income is what I have to put up with for the time-being, so be it.

blogging

My finances have affected me being able to produce the content I had planned. I find myself stalling photographers I really want to work with because I simply dont have the money to spare. I wanted to revamp the blog and create amazing visual content, but reality is I cant afford it right now. I am brainstorming ways I can do this on a budget. I took a break from blogging to concentrate on my job searches but the blog and work go hand in hand and ultimately producing content, you guys enjoy really lifts my spirits. What I will have to work out however is how I can be productive in both areas without running myself into the ground. 

  

  life

The tired of apologising for being me me, the always making time for people who dont make time for me me, the make up the numbers for your bday or event me, the chronic worrier me, the stay resilient no matter what you say to/treat me me, we are all tired...

2017 made me realise I've come too far to continue nurturing relationships that make me feel like I'm journeying backwards.

- people pleasing is not love

- boundaries are necessary

- self care is not selfish

- worrying does not change the situation

Pay attention to how peoples energy make you  feel. MAJOR KEY. As a result I left most people in 2017. I've stopped returning calls/texts, I leave people on 'read'. I'm doing whats best for me. Taking charge of this area in my life has been a positive game-changer. I'm no longer prepared to neglect the one person who's always believed in me.

                                                                      Me. And I'm ready to put the work in to know her again. 

ultimately a bad january doesn't mean a bad year

Unlike the rest of world I was not wishing for January to hurry up and end but rather slow down - I'll never understand why were so eager to move onto the next, then come December turn to each other and say "I cant believe its almost 201x...the years gone by soooooooo quick!" *insert shock face*

My worst fear is that this standstill that has followed me year to year is a permanent frenemy in my life. But then maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on achieving goals to give meaning to how good or bad a year/month is?

So my "New Year, New Me" hasn't really taken off like I hoped, well that doesn't mean the change I seek isn't getting closer and closer each day, its just sometimes progress is hard to see. So even though my patience has been tried on all levels, I'm still here, your still here and there's still time for us to turn things around. 

goodbye january.
hello february...round 2? 

Hands up if your still excited for the 2018! 🙋

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