REFLECTION

I put off writing this post. I was adamant at the start of the year that I was going to give the whole "new years resolution" post a miss. Don't get me wrong I love a good "new year, new me" vibe; you will never hear me complaining that people should let the idea of being a better them as a waste of time. But I guess this year I couldn't fully put my support behind the notion because I know I didn't live up to it in 2015. Remember this post?

This should be the paragraph where I tell you guys how I achieved them all and more but the truth is I didn't even achieve one. To say the year didn't go as planned is an understatement, but I did learn some lessons along the way so you might wanna get cosy cos its gonna be a long one...

1. DONT WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE REACHED YOUR GOAL TO BE PROUD OF YOURSELF

There comes a point in your life journey when you realise that life doesn't always go to plan. It's inevitable and heartbreaking but somehow you re-route and try to achieve them another way. What I didn't embark on is that disappointment almost swallowing me whole and paralysing me. On more than enough occasions I was plagued with this feeling that I'm not living how I should be, how I thought I'd be. Dreams of travelling, having a passionate career and experiencing new things became just that...dreams. I tried to pull myself out of the funk and strategise how I could achieve each one but it all just felt out of my control, so I let it define me as a failure. 

I am not a failure. There is light, life and love beyond the words you let break you down and the names you call yourself. There will always be things that come along that are out of your control and throw a spanner in the works, but look for the silver lining and make the best out of situations and for me that resulted in a promotion at work, more money in the bank (to travel with in the future). Your circumstances may not be what you envisioned but they're for now not forever so stop beating yourself up and just live. Be proud of how far you have come.

2. SOMETIMES LONELINESS IS BETTER THAN A FAKE FRIEND

"Squad" was probably the most used word of 2015 but I haven't had a proper close knit of friends for a while. My squad right now is basically me, Lori (my bestie), my mum and Jesus which is probably the bombest frickin lit squad you could ever have, but I really wanted to meet new people, make new friends and reacquaint with old friends last year. But instead I came to the realisation that the "friends" I had left had become "acquaintances" and then "strangers" so I detached myself from the detached; the ones who didnt return my calls, texts, those who called me only to make up their numbers at an event, only holler when I post a new instagram pic or dont consider me at all. lol bish please. I can do better. 

Over the years friends have dropped off the radar one by one and at first I started to think it was me. Well I'm the common denominator!?... It wasn't me, it isn't me. To me being a friend means something completely different now that I'm older; you cant just get by on sleepovers and shopping dates. I really wish I had more people in my life that genuinely cared enough to pick up the phone and call me, not just leave fb birthday messages or like my instagram pics. Friendship is not something I thought I would be without because I grew up having loads of friends but I've found no one really see's me as someone important enough to keep close. That hurt to type, but the truth hurts. Besides Lori theres no one I can really have a heart to heart with and I dont want to put all that pressure on her to be "everything" to me cos it shouldnt be that way. For now I am friendless lol and some days are harder than others but I'd rather be alone than have fake friends.

3. "OUR GREATEST FEAR SHOULD NOT BE FAILURE BUT OF SUCCEEDING AT THINGS IN LIFE THAT DONT REALLY MATTER" - FRANCIS CHAN

Social media is both a blessing and a curse as it can leave you feeling inspired or crushed. I flittered between both in 2015 and before I knew it I was cussing my own life for not being exciting enough, driven enough but the irony is I spent even more time on the internet fawning over someone elses life instead of getting my own together. Learning to understand that real life > social media life is a tough realisation because everyone looks like their "winning" and it makes you forget that your journey through life is unique to you, its not supposed to look like everyone else's. Yep that person got the job you'd love to have and that person jetted to the south of somewhere really exotic and their so in love and look another engagement/wedding/pregnancy announcement and this persons blog is so good, mine is so rubbish and the list goes on and on....so what? Go get your own life and realise your own blessings before you completely miss out on them! Worrying is a poor use of the imagination, focus on what matters.

4. BE THANKFUL

Okay so I didnt get to the gym liked I'd hoped but I did achieve some amazing things through my blog I didn't even know would be possible:

- In October I was nominated and won the "Octobers Inside Tip" blog award from Stylefruits.co.uk
- That same month I was contacted by Riser Magazine for an online interview check it out here!
- I was contacted by Boohoo to do a collaborative post to celebrate the Charlixcx 4 Boohoo collection if you haven't seen it yet check out the blog post here.
- The biggest thing; I could never have predicted is being contacted by Burberry press team and sent their SS15 make up via a very well dress courier. I answered the door mid shower, towel on head and all. lol

I take none of these opportunities for granted. This blog is such a blessing to me and I will nuture it as best as I can because although I can feel at times I'm not worthy of such opportunities, someone obviously does and that keeps me posting. :)

4. MAKING THE MOST OF A FRESH START

Goals are not the ultimate purpose of our lives, what they do do is concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. However just achieving goals will never make us happy, in the long term its who you grow to become as you overcome the obstacles that life throw that will give you fulfilment.

Who I will be by the end of this year is unknown and no resolutions this year; but instead I promise myself not to limit my life to a list of "goals" but to push myself in all areas of my life because that's what'll lead me to the next version of myself.

How do you plan on making the most out of 2016? Let me know below!

Lavinya x

________________________

What I'm Wearing:

Public Desire Over the Knee Boots
Primark Yeezus tshirt (similar)
Mango leather zip skirt
Asos Biker Jacket